Sunday, September 9, 2012

Puppies, Organization & Cleanliness: A Pro/Con List

Puppies have a very positive effect on organization and cleanliness
  • My kids have picked their toys up off the floor in every room of the house, as well as from all over the couch because Charlie has little needle teeth that chew Legos and Squinkies and Barbie clothes into tiny bits of uselessness.
  • Lucy, our 110 pound Saint Bernard mix, has been so stressed out about the new puppy that she has been drooling buckets of saliva and shedding tumbleweeds of fur all week, forcing me to mop and vacuum almost like a normal home dweller.
  • Charlie can't eat people food, adult dog food or household chemicals.  Charlie is not smart enough to know this.  We must keep these items off the floor and in their proper receptacles.
  • On the other hand, Charlie enjoys eating bugs so she is keeping the house moth/spider/fly free. 
  • Charlie is incredible cute, therefore making our chaotic house more stylish.  It's true.  I think they said that on House Hunters.
Puppies have a very negative effect on organization and cleanliness
  • I just carried my squirming, adorable puppy mid-giant-poop through the house in an effort to get her to squat on the training pad.  Somewhere between the living room and dining room, the poop sausage dropped and I squished barefoot and cussing right into it.  I got her to the pad after one more dropping next to the dining room table, but she just looked at me, bolted and crapped another load near the heating grate in the family room.
  • I've already spent my month's salary on Clorox wipes.
  • Now I have to start wearing slippers.
  • Slippers are not going to make the house more stylish.  That was on What Not To Wear. 

Look how clean that rug is!
Let's review:
  1. Puppies.  Cute (awwww).
  2. Puppies chew, therefore they demand cleaning and organizational diligence, thus providing a much needed impetus for the distracted and cluttered.
  3. I had poop between my toes.