Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Heathens craft too

Here's where I turn away half of my readership.

But first, a confession.  I like . . . crafts.  I'm not great at crafting because of the ADD.  Picture this: my "art" table, strewn with half-finished projects from three years ago that I would've hung in my toddler's room. Said toddler is now 6 and has moved on from liking Thomas the Tank Engine through Cars 2 (thank the mighty George Lucas) straight through The Avengers and into Star Wars.  My project is moot.  So, I get distracted.  I also get frustrated.  I can overwork a craft so much I have to throw the whole damn thing away.  Still there is something about getting paint all over my hands that is gratifying.

I am a snark monster who loves construction paper hearts, fancy bunting banners, and fonts that look like a middle schooler wrote them, complete with smilely-face dots for the i.

It's a weird dichotomy, I'll admit.  Weirder: I troll craft blogs to find free downloads or purchase digital scrapbook paper, where I always, ALWAYS find a nice bible quote.  (See, there goes half my readers.  Bye-bye.  It was nice while it lasted.)  So here's my question: What does the bible have to do with putting a shabby chic digital frame around my kids' picture?  I'm not dissing religion or anyone's love of Proverbs, I'm just not making the connection.  One blogger's profile described her as a mom of two squirrley children, a self-taught scrapbook artist, and a fan of Jesus Christ.  Okay, I may have made some of that up, but it was pretty close to that. 

As someone who doesn't follow any religious faith, who is (what the?) a mom, and likes to glue crap on paper, is there a resource for me out there in the blogosphere?  If not, I'm going to start a Surly Secular Mothers Making Crap blog and you're all going to follow me, right?

Amy Sedaris has right the idea:


  1. To hell with following, I'll be a co-contributor to that blog.

    ...you'll just have to tell me where to send all the crap I make because, since doing the minimalizing thing, I can't have it in the house. Perhaps you'd like some more pretty things? :D

    1. Oh First Laura,
      Have we finally found a business we can co-run? Put all that crap in a big plastic tub and deep freeze it. We'll make use out of it yet.

  2. I LOVE Amy Sedaris. I love her talk about her pet rabbits. She is hilarious. I too love to craft and have a short attention span. I was told this weekend by my dad that he thinks I have undiagnosed ADD, so we may have that in common as well. Not sure, but maybe.

    I like crafts that don't involve Proverbs. There's nothing wrong with them, but I don't know many kids that, when talking about how they want their room decorated, would say, "Gee, mom. Forget about the Buzz Lightyear mural. I'd really just rather have a passage from Leviticus. Preferably something about how I'm not supposed to eat shellfish. Because it's shellfish to eat shellfish." I may be drunk.

    1. On another note, drunk crafting with you would be FUN!

  3. I'm a half-hearted crafter with a faith shaky enough to topple most people but hanging on because it's part of who I am. And quite, frankly, I'm not very talented with my crafts. I was good when I had glitter, felt and pipe cleaner projects to do with my kids. But now they're 22 and 17 and it would just be weird if I made a pom-pom card and sent it to you, don't you think? I won't quote you scripture, but I could. I might drink wine with you though. And if you have a hot glue gun and some rubber stamps we could do some serious damage to pretty papers. ;)

  4. your love of the sedaris family warms my heart. for me, they are your country's first family. ok i am a crafter. black ink paperie is the name of my actual brick and mortar craft store. yes, it's tiny, yes its on my farm but it is chock full of pretty things.

    my blog started off as a craft blog and then evolved into the whale shooting, cursing wonderland it is now so now i'm soon starting another blog - Black Ink Paperie - makes. i am just waiting for the lady from etsy to send the proofs for the banner.

    and ah yes, the christians. first i thought only mormons did paper crafts. i tried to fit in but my dirty mouth kept giving me away. i get a lot of requests from christian bloggers to join them in prayer hops??? but i've realized i must say "jesus christ" in vain enough times to show up on google or maybe christian mingle.com. (i'm smiling right now because i love to say christian mingle.com)

    so in short i would be a faithful follower of any craft endeavour you embark upon and if called upon i would happily contribute.

    long live the sinner
    bev xxxx

    1. Is it possible, Bev, that I love you more?

      I want to see your crafty goods! When will your store site open for business and can you recommend a good banner designer who doesn't cost a fortune?

      PS - Christian Mingle.com

    2. i use renee from FlyBirdFly Designs on etsy. she is very friendly and nice and not too expensive. you just contact her and tell her what your vision is or if you have a photo you want to use and off she goes.

      i make journals, mini books, other paper crafts, cross stitch, rug hooking, and some embroidery. i would like to learn book binding, properly and i'm learning to make penny rugs. I LOVE TO CRAFT and my dream afternoon would be to craft with amy sedaris while david read his works aloud to me. i would invite you as i feel you are becoming my BFF xxxx

    3. oh i forgot to say - my favorite part of the christian mingle commercial is when the presenter says "maybe god is waiting for you to make the first move" i say this to my 14 year old all the time when she complains about something not happening. i realize mocking god will ensure me a special place in hell but i'm ok with it.


Comments for me? Thanks a bunch!